PLAYING WITH FIRE
Chapter Eleven
Thought I'd drop in an' see how you're doin'," Hank announced from the doorway,
without preamble.
"I sure ain't likin' layin' around in this bed all day, but other than that,
I'm doin' fine. I'm even startin' to be able to move this arm without it hurtin',"
he added, demonstrating this for Hank.
"Well ya just gotta be patient. Ya came damn near close to dyin', so ya don't
wanna go messin' with that too soon."
"Yeah, I know, but I ain't gettin' very far in accomplishin' things all cooped
up in this room!" Sully growled, evidence of his frustration clear in his eyes.
"Such as?"
"Well, I'd hoped to be able to talk to Michaela more, but with me here, and
her havin' ta work, we ain't seen much of each other."
"Ain't seen much..." Hank stopped, wondering how to make Sully see sense without
further upsetting him. The last thing he needed was to have Sully at outs with
him! "Whattya call a woman who's over here every minute she ain't workin'? And
even when she *is* workin', she sure ain't got her mind on that!"
"I know she comes ta see me a lot, and I told her she didn't have to do that.
I don't want her comin' to see me outta pity or guilt!"
"Pity? Guilt? Is that what you call it? Well, accordin' to what I see, it sure
ain't pity that keeps her comin' here. It's a strong interest in ya."
"What makes ya say that?" Sully asked, wanting to believe it, himself.
"Cuz otherwise she'd find other things to occupy her time. Why would she be
comin' ta see yo outta pity, anyway? Guilt, I can see, since she feels it was
her what got ya into this mess by bein' foolish that night with Harv. But, even
if it was guilt, do ya think she'd be talkin' about ya and askin' about ya when
ya weren't there?"
"She talks about me?" Sully asked, allowing a little hope to enter his heart.
"Yeah, askin' me ‘bout how we met, talkin' ‘bout how she don't understand
your reluctance ta talk much or get involved with people."
"What did ya tell her?"
"Oh, don't go worryin' yourself. I ain't about to go spoilin' our cover, here.
I just told her the truth. We met up one day outside of town, both of us doin'
some trappin' and tryin' to make a livin'. Told her how ya seemed to be a loner,
even then, and that ya ain't changed much, wantin' to be more with them Injuns
than ya do with folks of your own kind," Hank teased, a grin on his face.
Sully grinned, slightly, seeing in his mind how Hank must have described him
to Michaela. It was true, they'd not had too many chances for interaction, but
when they did, he and Hank held a healthy respect for each other. It went far
beyond their differences to what they both had in common -- a fierce loyalty
to what they both held as their beliefs. "Did she say anythin' else?"
"Nah, nothin' much. ‘Course, after I started talkin' ‘bout ya, she
went and blanked out on me, not hearin' a word I said."
"Whattya mean, 'blanked out'?"
"Well, she just sorta tuned out everythin' that was happenin' around her, not
hearin' or seein' anythin'. I called her name, but she didn't respond. It was
like she had fallen asleep, like she was standin' there sleepin' with her eyes
open. I tell ya, I ain't seen nothin' like it."
"Do ya think it's maybe her mind, that maybe she's startin' to remember stuff?"
"I don't know, but I do know it ain't good for her to be doin' that. She has
one of them spells while she's walkin' or somethin', and she's bound to get
hurt!" Hank stopped at the suspicious look in Sully's eyes. He knew he'd let
some of his feelings out in that last statement, and it was obvious Sully heard
it in his voice. He'd better be more careful from now on. He didn't need Sully
suspecting anything at this point, especially with him unable to do anything
about it. Thinking it safer to change the subject, he focused more on their
joint task. "So, ya makin' any headway on Michaela durin' them times she's up
here?"
Sully sighed, frustration lacing the expulsion of his breath. "I don't know,
to be honest. I mean, there's times when I think she might be seein' somethin'
in me she ain't seen since we arrived, but then she goes back to bein' 'Kay'
and I think I was imaginin' it. That goes back to what I asked ya while back.
What if she don't get her memory back? What if she don't remember anythin' about
her past, about me?" The desperation and pain at this possibility was clearly
heard.
"Ya just gotta be patient, Sully. It'll happen. I know ya love her, but ya gotta
let her come to it on her own. She'll see it, in her own time," Hank tried to
assure him.
"Then, again, she might not see it at all!" a third voice said from the doorway.
Both Hank and Sully's heads jerked towards the sound of the voice and upon seeing
Brady standing there, looked at each other. How much did he hear? How long had
he been standing there? Without saying a word, the two of them agreed it would
be best to play ignorant of anything Brady might suspect.
"Sorry for bargin' in like this, but I thought I'd come and see how ya were
doin', Mr. Sully. I mean, it was one of my regulars what shot ya, and in a way,
I feel a little to blame in not keepin' a closer watch on him and how much he'd
been drinkin' that night." Brady tried to sound sincere, although he really
didn't feel any responsibility for Sully's present state. If anything, it was
one less obstacle in his path to Kay.
"Well, ya can rest your conscious in knowin' I'm doin' fine. Doc says the shoulder's
healin' good, and I should be able to be up and outta this bed in less than
a week from now."
"I'm sure Kay'll be happy to hear that!" Brady intoned, with false interest.
"Jus' whattya want, Brady?" Sully demanded, not in the mood to deal with his
games.
"Ah, a man who gets right to the point, I like that."
"So, talk!" Hank joined.
"What do I want? I want ya both outta town, is what I want! I don't like ya
both bein' here, upsettin' Kay and the way things are!" he stated, truthfully,
deciding there was no point in lying anymore.
"Whatcha got against us? What've we done to you?" Hank challenged.
"It ain't what ya done to me. It's what ya done to Kay, what you're doin'
to Kay!"
"Yeah, and what's that?" Sully inquired, playing along with Hank as if they
had no idea what the man meant.
"I don't like her spendin' so much of her time over here. She ain't got her
mind on her work, no more, and she ain't hardly givin' my customers the attention
they deserve, except for Hank, here. I don't know what the two of you got planned
up your sleeves, but I'll tell ya one thing. I don't like ya interferin' with
things around here. They've been goin' real well up until the two of you arrived,
and I ain't about to let that change!" he stated, his anger clear.
"Dontcha mean, ya ain't about to let us move in on your girl?" Hank verbalized
what was so plainly obvious.
Brady's eyes narrowed at Hank's statement, giving evidence of Hank hitting the
mark with his words. "I ain't never said Kay was my girl."
"Ya didn't hafta. Why else would ya be comin' up here and findin' a reason to
not like us, other than that ya think we're takin' Kay away from you?" Hank
continued to press.
Deciding to try to turn the tables, Brady thought of another approach. "Just
why are the two of you here? What brings ya to a town all the way out here,
and why ain't ya left to go back to wherever it is ya come from? It's hard to
believe you're both just wanderers and ya happened ta stop into the Shady Oak
one day."
"Why do you think we're here?" Sully turned the question back on Brady.
Brady's eyes flew to Sully's, and it was clear Brady didn't like that switch
one bit. "I got my suspicions, but I know it ain't doin' Kay any good to have
ya here!"
"What makes ya say that?" Sully pried, wanting Brady to admit what he thought.
"Like I said, she ain't payin' attention to nothin'. She's always got her mind
on somethin' else, and the only one she seems to really notice is Hank, when
she *is* workin'."
"And that makes ya jealous, don't it?" Hank teased, a smug look on his face.
"Ya jealous that she ain't payin' attention ta you no more, ain't that right?"
Seeing he wasn't going to get anywhere with this conversation, Brady decided
to end it. "Well, I wanna make this clear. I don't like the two of ya in town,
and I don't like ya messin' with Kay. So, I'll be keepin' my eye on ya both,
and if anythin' happens to her, you'll be answerin' to me!" he threatened, his
meaning clear to the other two men in the room.
"Well, ya just better watch your own step, cuz ya ain't got not control over
either of us, and ya can't stop Kay from doin' what she wants ta do," Hank returned
the threat.
Brady looked from one man to the other, seeing he was clearly outnumbered, and
decided to leave. "This ain't over, fellas," he said in parting.
Certain that Brady was gone and wouldn't overhear any more of their conversation,
Hank and Sully looked back at each other. "Think he knows anythin'?" Sully asked.
"I don't know, but we do gotta be more careful. We can't be gettin' riled up
with that man in there. I know he don't look like much, but I heard some storied
‘bout him durin' my times at the saloon, and he ain't a man ta be reckoned
with. I heard the last man ta cross his path in an unfavorable light ain't around
ta talk about it no more."
"Yeah, I think you're right. We gotta watch our steps. But, what he said about
Michaela. Is that right? She really ain't payin' any attention to her work?"
"I don't know, Sully. I know somethin's changed, but what it's hard to tell.
She's just actin' different is all," Hank answered, trying hard not to reveal
his own feelings on the matter, how he was missing the "Kay" he found on his
first visit.
"Well, I gotta big favor ta ask of ya, then."
"Name it!"
"Since I can't be goin' anywhere like this, ya gotta be the one to get her to
talk while she's at work. Keep an eye on her and see how she acts. Watch her
closely and look for any signs of what's going on in her mind. I wanna know
if there's somethin' goin' on, and if there is, I wanna see if we can figure
out what," Sully requested, admitting to himself how hard it was to ask Hank
to pay close attention to his wife.
"Ya got it, Sully," Hank immediately agreed, trying hard to hide his mixed feelings
at this turn of events. Sully was giving his permission for him to spend time
with Michaela? He was even asking him to keep a close watch on her? It was just
what he wanted. Wasn't it?
"Thanks. Now, I think I'm goin' to rest a bit. It's near time for Michaela to
go to work, so ya better be goin."
"Yeah, guess you're right," Hank agreed, turning back before leaving. "An' Sully,
don't worry. We'll get Michaela back." He attempted a reassuring smile before
leaving the room, closing the door behind him. Rather than head to the Shady
Oak, he left to spend a little time in thought. He had to clear his mind, or
he wouldn't be much help to Sully, or to Michaela.
* * * * *
Kay couldn't believe she'd slept so late. It certainly didn't seem like she
had slept at all, with all of the tossing and turning she did last night. Even
after she went into her room, she had paced for what seemed like hours before
finally succumbing to the weariness her body felt. Still, once she was in bed,
sleep evaded her, and she had to fight hard to keep the dreams from tormenting
her. Now, she had to put all of that behind her. She only had a little while
before she had to work, and she intended to see Sully in that time.
Not watching where she was going, she didn't see the man in her path until it
was too late. They collided, and she nearly lost her balance, but he helped
her right herself before she fell.
"I'm sorry," she apologized, looking up at the man standing in front of her.
"No harm done," Brady smiled, his familiar touch on her arms making Kay feel
oddly hesitant.
"Oh, Brady, I apologize. I must not have been watching where I was going."
"Well, ya gotta be more careful. Ya coulda gotten hurt, and I don't want nothin'
happenin' to my favorite gal," he reached one of his hands up, pushing back
a stray lock of her hair.
Kay shied away from his touch, ever so slightly. "I'm touched by your concern,
but if you'll excuse me, I would like to see Sully before I have to go to work,"
she admitted, not thinking of how it sounded to Brady, and not really caring,
for that matter.
"Kay, I don't like ya spendin' so much time with those men. I don't like how
you're actin' lately. Ya ain't got your mind on your work, and you're obviously
not sleepin' well, with those dark circles under your eyes. I can't help but
think it's Hank and Sully who've been causin' this to happen to ya!"
"Hank and Sully have done no such thing!" Kay retorted, angrily, then seeing
the effect of her words on Brady, she softened her tone a little. "Brady, I'm
grateful for you taking the time to care about my welfare, but truly, I'm fine."
"Well, I don't like it. They ain't nothin' but bad news, and I don't like seein'
ya with ‘em so much! You work for me, remember?"
"Well, what I do on my time off is none of your business! You may be my boss
at work, but you're not the boss of my life! If I choose to spend time with
Sully and Hank, you can't say anything about it!" she declared, her voice rising
with each word. "Now, if you would be so kind as to step out of my way, I'll
be going. And don't worry, I won't be late for work!" she called, in parting.
Making
her way up the stairs to the second floor, she walked down the hall to Sully's
room, not even really thinking about where she was going or what she was doing,
her mind still preoccupied with the confrontation with Brady. "How dare he?!"
she thought. "Just who does he think he is? Of all the nerve! How can he stand
there and tell me what to do as if he has some control over me? He should know
by now that I don't answer to anyone but myself! What makes him think he can
issue commands like that and expect them to be obeyed?"
"So, ya gonna come in and talk, or ya just gonna stand there in the doorway?"
Sully's voice broke into her thoughts, and she started, tensely, wondering how
long she had been standing there. "I'm sorry, I just wasn't paying attention,"
she replied, hesitantly coming into the room.
"From what I been hearin', you been doin' that a lot lately." Sully nodded his
head towards the chair by his bed. "Why dontcha sit down?" he invited.
Kay slowly walked towards the chair, her eyes not leaving his face. "I really
can't stay long. I have to be at work in a little while, but I wanted to stop
by and see how you were doing."
"Yeah, I know. I'm doin' all right, but I ain't likin' layin' here in bed all
day," he confessed, this time forcing a grin on his face. With Michaela, it
had to be an act. He couldn't let her see his true feelings, for fear it would
scare her or cause her to avoid spending time with him. He couldn't risk that.
"I can certainly understand that. I don't know what I would do if I had to remain
in bed like this. I'm too fond of my freedom." She smiled.
"Yeah, I can see that in ya!" Sully returned her smile.
They both sat in tension-charged silence, neither one knowing what to say, and
both aware of their mutual discomfort.
Sully realized this wasn't getting them anywhere. "So, ya mentioned ya weren't
payin' attention when ya came in just now. Wanna tell me why?"
Kay looked up at him, wondering how much she should tell. She saw nothing but
concern in his eyes, although there seemed to be a hint of something more as
well, something hidden. Not wanting to dwell on that, she shook off the feeling
and focused more on his question. "It really isn't anything. I just ran into
Brady on my way over here. You know, the owner of the Shady Oak?" At Sully's
nod, she continued. "He's just being himself again, looking out for my welfare,
only this time, it was different."
"What did he do?"
"It wasn't so much what he did, as what he said," she replied, cautiously feeling
her way through her confession. "He expressed his concern over my lack of sleep,
and then told me how he didn't like me coming over here to see you."
"Yeah, that's about what he said to me!" Sully confessed, then stopped, wondering
if he should have told her that. Seeing her head snap up, he realized he might
have said too much.
"You mean, he came over here and threatened you, too?" She didn't like this,
one bit. Brady was going to have to learn he couldn't interfere and dictate
her friends. "I'm going to have to speak with him about this. He has to understand..."
"Now, don't go worryin' none about it. He's just lookin' out for ya, since ya
work for him. Ya can't go spendin' all your time worryin' ‘bout me and
not sleepin'." He saw her start to protest and put up his good hand to stop
her from saying anything. "I know ya ain't been sleepin' much. I can see it
in your eyes, so don't bother tryin' to deny it. I ain't gonna tell ya what
to do, but I will say I hope ya ain't worryin' over me, cuz I ain't havin' any
trouble. Doc says I'll be up and outta bed in no time, and it's all thanks to
your quick thinkin' after I got shot," he added, hoping to make her see she
didn't need to fuss over him anymore, but not wanting her to think he didn't
want her around.
At her blush, he realized his compliment was not lost on her, but a slight frown
marred her beautiful face, and he knew what she was thinking. "Now, don't get
me wrong. I ain't sayin' I don't like your company. I do. In fact, it's the
highlight of my day. A beautiful woman is just what I need to get me wantin'
to be outta bed sooner!" he smiled when she responded to his flattery with a
smile of her own and a noticeable flush to her skin.
Kay was growing uncomfortable under his warm gaze, and his words weren't helping
matters much. As much as she loved hearing them, she wasn't too sure about her
own reaction to them as well as how she felt when he looked at her, the way
he was doing now. She shifted in her chair and turned to look out the window.
"It looks like the weather is warming some. I'm sure that makes you want to
be up and moving all the more."
Sully smiled at her obvious attempt to switch the focus off of her. It was just
like Michaela. It reminded him of the times when they were in the early stages
of their relationship, how she would avoid him when she was uncomfortable or
unsure. It warmed his heart to know he was at least having some effect on her,
but he had to be careful, lest he scare her away. "Yeah, I can't tell ya how
glad I was ta here Doc give me the good news. I ain't never been one to sit
idle, an' I don't like bein' up here all day long. But, Doc says I shouldn't
move this shoulder, and even though that doesn't mean I gotta stay in bed, I
figure it's the best way to make sure that don't happen. If I was up and walkin'
around, there's no tellin' what I might do without realizin' it."
"It's a good thing you've remained here. I believe it's made your shoulder heal
even faster than it would have, had you been walking around," she agreed.
"Well, all's I gotta say is I'm achin' to get outta this bed, and the day can't
come too soon!"
"Yes, a man like you can't possibly be happy cooped up inside all day!" she
said without thinking.
Sully paused, wondering how to respond to that comment. Was she just saying
that from what she saw of him since he arrived, or was that part of her memory
speaking for her, without her realizing it? Deciding to treat it as the former,
he replied. "Well, I ain't sayin' this time here hasn't given me time to think,
but you're right. I just ain't cut out to be an indoors man."
"Oh my!" she announced suddenly. "I lost track of the time! I only have two
minutes to get to work, and with Brady already not pleased with my being here,
I don't want to be late!" She jumped up to leave, nearly upsetting the chair.
"I'm sorry to leave all of a sudden, but I promise to stop by again when I can."
Sully nodded. "Dontcha worry about me. I'll be fine. Ya go on in to work."
Without thinking, she reached out and took his hand in hers, trailing her fingers
across his palm and lightly touching his fingertips before losing contact altogether
as she walked towards the door. "Thank you!" she said as she left.
Sully caught his breath at her touch, wondering if she felt the same thing he
did at that brief contact. He didn't have any trouble remembering it was the
same touch they'd shared after he had rescued her from the men in the saloon,
not long after she had arrived in town. He smiled to himself. He was getting
through to her, only she didn't know it.
* * * * *
Kay
went through the motions again at work, although with Brady's and Sully's words
fresh in her mind, she made every attempt to stay focused, not wanting to cause
any further problems. It wasn't easy considering the feelings she couldn't forget
at her parting touch with Sully. That one brief contact had sent shivers all
through her, none of which were unpleasant. She battled between those feelings
and focusing on her work all night. Before she knew it, it was closing time.
She hadn't even had time to think about Hank, since the saloon had been unusually
busy that night. However, she helped wash some of the last-minute dishes, and
her thoughts wandered to Hank's absence. Did it have anything to do with her?
Maybe it was Brady. Sully had said he stopped by that morning. Did he also have
words with Hank? Well, there was no sense in pondering it any longer. She would
just go over to the boardinghouse and find out.
Done with her work, she said goodnight to the other barmaids and left the back
kitchen. She looked around to make sure no one was watching her and then left
the saloon. Not wanting a repeat of what had happened with Harv, she forced
herself to stay alert the entire walk to the boardinghouse. If it hadn't been
for Sully what might have happened that night? She shuddered, reminding herself
that Harv was in jail now and no longer a threat to her.
When she arrived at the boardinghouse, she didn't even think about propriety
until she saw Mrs. Hawkins dozing in her chair. It was awfully late. Would it
be alright for her to see Hank at this hour? Wanting to avoid questions, she
walked silently up the stairs, careful not to make a sound, lest she awaken
Mrs. Hawkins or anyone else in the boardinghouse. She turned at the top of the
stairs and walked the few steps to Hank's door, wondering at its location across
the hall from Sully's room. She didn't know why, but for some reason, she didn't
want Sully to know she was here this late at night. She softly knocked on the
door and at Hank's voice, entered.
Hank started when he looked up to see the identity of his late-night visitor.
"Kay!" he exclaimed when he saw Michaela. Her hair was down, flowing to her
waist in soft waves, and the pain in her eyes as she looked up at him gave her
an almost irresistable vulnerability. He realized how loudly he had spoken her
name, so he lowered his voice to a near whisper. "What're ya doin' here?"
Kay hesitated, wondering if this was such a wise move after all. She turned
as if to leave, but Hank's voice stopped her.
"Not that I mind ya bein' here, but do ya know what time it is?"
"Just what I need, another man trying to tell me what to do and how to live
my life!" she exclaimed, then bit her lip at the harshness in her voice. "I'm
sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that," she apologized. "The truth
is, I don't know why I'm here, but I noticed you weren't at the saloon tonight,
so I thought I would come and see if you were alright." She tried to come up
with a viable reason, but no matter what came to mind, nothing sounded right,
so she just gave the safest excuse and waited for his response.
"I'm fine, just needed some time to think, is all," he answered.
"Oh." Kay toyed with her hands, clasping and unclasping them in front of her.
Why was she here? Why didn't she just go back to her room and try to sleep?
"Kay, is there somethin' wrong?" Seeing her struggling, he sought to help her
relax. He walked over to where she was standing and looked out the door, making
sure no one was around. He closed the door, softly, with one last look at Sully's
closed door, hoping Sully didn't know she was here, either. He wasn't ready
to deal with that! Taking her by the elbow, he led her to the bed. "Why dontcha
sit down and tell me what's buggin' ya," he invited, making sure he took the
chair from across the room, turning it backwards and straddling it to face her.
Kay sighed. "I don't know, Hank. To be honest, I don't even know why I'm here,
but I just felt the need to talk to you," she confessed.
"Well, I'm listenin'."
"Do you remember how I asked you about Sully's past, and how the two of you
met?"
"Yeah."
"I wanted to tell you why I was wondering. I had thought to talk to you tonight
at the saloon, but you didn't come in tonight, so I thought I was hoping you
would be here."
"Go ahead."
"The other night, when I had that brief blackout while I was talking to you,
well, it wasn't the first time it had happened," she confessed. "I have been
having those ever since Sully was shot, and I have been having dreams ever since
I recovered from the explosion. They escalated when you came to town, but they've
been getting worse since Sully arrived. I wasn't able to pinpoint the cause
until I thought about it last night." She paused, wondering how to continue.
"It just doesn't make sense, Hank! I don't understand what's happening, and
why I'm having these dreams!" she fought hard to keep her voice down, but it
was full of anguish.
It was all Hank could do not to go to her, but he forced himself to remain seated.
"Kay, did ya ever think ya may be havin' those dreams cuz your mind's tryin'
to tell ya somethin'."
Kay looked up at him, her eyes welling with tears. "I had thought of that yes,
but it still doesn't make any sense!"
"Why not?"
"The dreams I've been having aren't clear. It's just images of a lot of different
faces and things that don't fit together. It's like having pieces from a puzzle,
only I can't figure out how they all go together to make the whole picture."
"Whaddya remember?"
"Not much right now, I'm afraid," she replied.
"Do ya remember anythin' in particular?"
"Now that you mention it, yes, I do. I remember a recurring theme that has been
evident throughout all of them," she admitted.
"What's that?"
"I remember in each one of the images, I'm lost or confused or trying to hide
myself in some way. None of the images go together, but I can feel the same
feelings in each one."
"When was the last time ya had these dreams?"
Kay thought back to work today and realized she didn't remember any dreams or
blackouts, then her mind wandered to her brief visit with Sully that morning.
"The last time I had them was this morning, after I left Sully's room." At Hank's
slight grin, she realized how that had sounded. "That is, at noon, when I had
to go to work," she amended, realizing that didn't sound any better. Flustered,
she just waved it off. "You know what I mean."
Hank forced himself not to grin any more, seeing that she was in a very emotional
state. "Do ya remember anythin' about them dreams?"
"Yes!" she exclaimed, a realization hitting her. "This time, they weren't ones
of being lost or hiding, but the confusion was still there. I remember saying
goodbye to Sully, but the next thing I remember was walking through the doors
of the Shady Oak. I don't remember walking there, so that must have been when
I had my blackout."
"Well, can ya remember anythin' specific about what ya mind was thinkin'?" He
hated interrogating her this way, but it was easier allowing her to do the talking
than risking what might be revealed if he tried offering any explanations of
his own.
"No, I don't really."
"Well, have ya talked to him ‘about any of this?"
"That's just it. I don't think I can!"
"Why not?"
"I don't know. There's just this strange feeling I get when I'm around him,
and I don't know if he would understand me like you do! He seems to be patient
and a good listener, but I don't know what he would say if I told him what has
been bothering me. I just feel as if he's seeing something in me that I don't
see, and I get very uncomfortable when I'm around him. It's nothing like when
I'm with you. I can talk to you without any reservations, but with Sully, I
don't feel the same." She paused and looked down, worrying the material of her
dress. When she looked up at him again, there were tears in her eyes. "Hank!
What am I going to do?" she whispered, her words so full of anguish and despair,
it was Hank's undoing.
Watching the first tears fall down her cheeks, he couldn't sit there any longer.
He stood to his feet and pushed the chair away from him, then went to sit next
to her on the bed and put his hand on her shoulder. She surprised him by throwing
herself into his arms, sobbing into his shoulder. He couldn't do anything but
put his arms around her. Tenderly he began to stroke her hair and rock her,
murmuring soothing sounds until eventually she began to calm. Holding Michaela
to him, he could feel the beating of her heart through his shirt, and his own
started pounding, so loud he was sure she could hear it. Nevertheless, he didn't
move.
After several moments, realizing sympathy was giving way to a more dangerous
emotion, he released her then lifted her chin and gazed directly into her eyes.
Her lips now so achingly close to his reminded him of another night not so long
ago when they had been in a similar position. He hadn't controlled himself then,
but he had to now!
He drew in his breath. "Kay, ya gotta be strong. I know it ain't easy, but ya
gotta not let these dreams eat at ya like this! It ain't good for ya."
"I know, Hank," she sniffled. "But, I don't know what to do. Sometimes, I just
don't know if it's worth all the trouble!"
"Whaddya mean?"
"Sometimes I wonder if I really want to remember. Sometimes I wonder if this
accident that happened to me happened for a reason. Sometimes I wonder if I
was meant to start my life over."
Hank
swallowed hard at her words, then stood abruptly and walked to the window, feeling
Kay's eyes on his back. What if that was the case? What if this accident *did*
happen for a reason? He sighed. This was not going well at all. Michaela wasn't
supposed to be thinking this. He wasn't supposed to be thinking this! She was
supposed to be wanting to remember, so he could help her see Sully's love and
help her see how important she was to their town. She was supposed to be saying
these things to Sully, not him! Why did she have to do this to him? Why was
he feeling this way? He had known her for six years! Why were these feelings
only now coming to the surface? Why was he suddenly so drawn to her?
The realization suddenly hit him like a powerful blow to the stomach, knocking
the wind out of him. At some point things had changed. This woman whom he ached
to pull into his arms, even now, had become more to him than just Sully's wife,
Michaela. She had become Kay, someone, he realized with shock, if he didn't
guard against it, with whom he might easily fall in love. That was what had
been tormenting him, he realized with sudden blinding clarity. For if he were
to allow himself to fall in love with Kay... He shuddered unable to complete
the thought. He had to get Michaela out of his room, now! But how? How was he
going to convince her it was best for her to leave without hurting her feelings?
Hank started from his thoughts at the touch of Michaela's hand on his back.
He turned to face her, and seeing the tracks of her tears on her cheeks, he
couldn't help himself. He tenderly wiped away the tears, and she closed her
eyes at his touch. He swallowed hard again, taking a few calming breaths to
bolster his courage. "Kay," he began softly, watching her open her eyes and
look at him. "I ain't got all the answers to your questions. I don't know what
ta say to help ease the pain ya been havin' with your dreams. But, I will tell
ya this. You gotta be strong. You can't give up hope that your memory's gonna
return."
"But..." she tried to interject, but stopped when he covered her lips with his
finger.
"I can't explain it now, but will ya promise me you'll keep tryin'?"
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
"Good, now ya better be gettin' outta here, before someone hears ya, or before
I get myself into a lotta trouble!" he instructed, giving her a look which made
his meaning crystal clear. Whether he liked it or not, there was a line drawn,
and he couldn't cross it. With Michaela standing there, looking at him like
that, so open and so vulnerable, he was dangerously close to stepping over that
line, and once that happened, he didn't know if he could stop.
She gasped at the look in his eyes, then backed away a couple of steps. What
had she done? Was it too late to turn back? What was happening to her? "Thank
you," she said, reaching up to caress his cheek, meaning more by those two words
than she could convey any other way. He covered her hand with his own, holding
it there, briefly, before he reached up to trail his fingers lightly down her
cheek. Drawn as if by an invisible force, he leaned toward her, but then realizing
where it would lead, forced himself instead to stop, took her hand away, putting
his own once more at his side, and walked with her to his door.
He opened it quietly, looking into the hall. Once he was sure there was no one
there, he motioned for her to leave. She cast one last look at him, but turned
to go, sighing as she walked away. Hank was about to close his door when another
door opened. He looked across the hall and saw Sully appear. Without thinking,
he looked down the hall after Michaela, and Sully's eyes did the same. When
they returned to Hank's, there was a look of shock, mixed with anger in them.
Hank tried to think of something to say, but he realized nothing would convince
Sully his intentions were honorable, so he just shrugged his shoulders and closed
his door, leaving Sully staring after him.
Hank paced back and forth from the door to the window and around his bed, wondering
if he did the right thing. Should he have explained everything to Sully? Should
he have called to Michaela and had her come back to assure Sully nothing had
happened? What good would that have done? She wouldn't have understood why Hank
needed to explain anything. After all, she didn't know she had done anything
wrong. He couldn't blame this on her. He was the one at fault! He was the one
who had committed the wrong.
And wrong it was! He knew the moment he invited her into his room, he was doing
the wrong thing. He should have told her to go talk to Sully about her concerns,
or talk to one of her friends from the saloon. Anyone but him. But, he didn't.
He invited her in because deep down, he knew he wanted her to come into his
room. Deep down, he wanted her to come to him and pour out her worries and concerns.
Deep down, he had to admit he was beginning to care for her.
Why? The same questions which had plagued him when Michaela had been there earlier
continued to plague him now. It wasn't as if he had never been attracted to
her. Fact was, he had always considered her the most beautiful woman he had
ever seen, but that was as far as it went. He didn't even consider the possibility
of anything developing further. He had never been tempted to act on that attraction.
Well once, he corrected himself.
The Cooper children had been trying to find her a beau, even going so far as
to suggest Loren court her! Hank had figured what the heck maybe he would give
it a shot, so he had invited her to lunch at Grace's under the guise of worrying
about Jake. Their companiable "lunch" had lasted all of ten minutes! He chuckled
to himself. He could still see the fire in her eyes at his assertion that "any
man who would put up with her harpin had to be looney!", to which she had icily
declared, "Well, I "NEVER!", and he, not letting her finish, had shot back that
maybe "that" was her problem!
Still, he recalled, there had been that one moment when their hands had touched.
The sparks had been there, he had felt it. She had too, he had seen it in her
eyes. Neither one had ever acknowledged it, though, and any feeling of mutual
attraction after that had been buried in the course of their heated battles
over the next few years- until now. He groaned. So why after all this time?
What was so different about now that caused him to react in such a different
way?
He could well remember all of the times Michaela completely infuriated him beyond
reason. He thought back to his first real experience with her, and even now
it made him cringe at her audacity. He remembered her barging into his saloon,
demanding to see Myra and trying to force her way through the men enjoying a
drink at his establishment. Even now, he remembered the anger at her demanding
Myra not work for a month! How dare she tell him how to run his business? It
was like it was yesterday, and the feelings were still the same. Even though
that had been six years ago, in some ways, it still seemed like it was yesterday,
and the feelings were still the same.
Again
and again, she had interfered in his life, as well as the lives of everyone
else in town, especially the Indians. She continually forced her way of life
onto the people living in Colorado, and she had even traveled to Washington,
D.C. to fight for what she thought was right. He chuckled to himself at this
thought. "She sure is determined! I'll give her that!" he thought out loud.
For so many years, he had spent his time getting angry at Michaela for sticking
her nose in where it didn't belong. For so many years, he had seen her spouting
her interpretation of what was right and wrong, trying to make everyone else
abide by her rules. For so many years, he had seen her never give up. Maybe
that's what it was. Maybe he really didn't hate her as much as he always thought
he did. Well maybe hate, was the wrong word, he acknowledged now to himself.
After all, it was her who confessed her feelings of hurt and fear when it came
to men to him. It was her who stood by him and talked to him, imploring him
to awaken from his coma. It was her who had tears of happiness in her eyes when
he did awaken, and it was her who realized he had heard her confessions, but
didn't judge her for them. They had reached an interesting place in their relationship
at that point.
Sure, he still got angry at her interfering all the time, but there was something
more he understood about Michaela. She wasn't the cold, unfeeling person he
had always thought her to be. She had hurts and fears, same as any person, and
she was as vulnerable as the next woman. Nevertheless, she had a fire in her
he found it hard to ignore. How could a woman who made him so angry, attract
him so much, all at the same time?
Groaning in frustration, Hank threw himself into his chair. "I need a drink!"
he exclaimed, and went to his carpetbag to retrieve the bottle of whiskey he
brought with him. At first, he just stood there, staring at the bottle, wondering
if he really needed it. Then, he thought of Kay, no Michaela, and he realized
he needed it more than ever. He poured himself his first glass and tossed back
the fluid like it was water, reveling in the warm feeling that coursed through
him as the liquor began taking effect. He downed the second glass like the first
and poured a third, then walked back and dropped into his chair by the window
again.
He stared out the window for several long moments, taking long drinks of his
whiskey and pondering everything that was happening. It wasn't easy thinking
of Michaela the way he was thinking, especially when she was acting like Kay.
That was the main part of his problem! Michaela wasn't acting like the Michaela
he knew at all. She was acting like the woman he always thought existed, but
whom she never allowed herself to show. He always said she was like a stick
of dynamite, just waiting to go off, and although he had boasted about having
the match to light her fuse, little did he know he would ever get the chance
to see that dynamite explode!
And explode it had -- with a mighty force! This woman Michaela had become was
not only warm, enticing, fun, and attractive, but she was everything Hank ever
dreamed a woman could be. She was also very sensual in her attitude and actions,
and that was something which, up until now, had been reserved just for Sully.
Working his way through the bottle, he began to think of the ramifications of
pursuing this attraction. It was obvious she was interested and had some feelings,
or she wouldn't be coming to him and asking him for advice. However, he had
to think about Sully. Sully was married to her, even though she didn't know
it. That brought up another thought. What if she didn't remember? What if, like
Sully had wondered, she never remembered who she was. What if she continued
living like this? Would Sully give up? Would he resign himself to having to
accept her as Kay?
Finishing off the bottle, Hank thought aloud. "Would it be so awful if I did
get involved with her? She's made it clear she ain't interested in Sully, leastwise
not the same way she's interested in me! What would happen if Michaela never
returned, and Kay was what we'd have? Why wouldn't it be alright for me to be
with her?
Hank set the empty bottle on floor and looked out the window. The first shades
of dawn were starting to appear, and he realized he hadn't slept all night.
Then again, how could he? How could anyone get to sleep with a woman as beautiful
as Michaela tormenting their every thought? Each time he tried to forget, he
saw her the way she looked in the moonlight when they had shared their first
kiss, the way she looked earlier that night, coming to him in such a vulnerable
state, it just demanded his protectiveness.
No one had needed him in that way since Zach or Clarice, and regardless of whether
or not it was right, he just couldn't resist. The whiskey had taken effect a
long time ago, and with the added lack of sleep, he felt the beginnings of a
headache. He rested his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands,
trying to erase Michaela's face from his mind. "Maybe I should just leave. Things
might just be better off if I did!"
He had just started to nod off when a loud knocking on his door made him jump.
The knocking sounded more like pounding to his ears and it matched in rhythm
to the pounding in his head. "Who could that be at this hour of the morning?"
* * * * *
Sully
stood staring at Hank's closed door for several minutes, before he decided to
return to his own room. He closed the door then leaned against it, allowing
his head to fall back against the door as well. Maybe he was making too much
of this. Maybe there wasn't anything going on between Michaela and Hank. Maybe
he was allowing his imagination and the frustration of his circumstances to
get the better of him. Then again, what if he wasn't? What if there really was
something between Hank and Michaela, and what if he wasn't seeing it?
"And here I went and practically gave my approval on Hank watchin' my wife!!"
he exclaimed, careful to keep his voice down low. "What was I thinking?!" He
was going to have to be more careful about the two of them, or at least confront
Hank about it. Whatever he did, he had to get some answers. The more he thought
about it, the angrier he got, until he could no longer hold it inside. He balled
his right hand into a fist and pounded the wall beside him, the force of the
impact reverberating through his shoulders and causing him to wince in the sharp
pain which coursed through his wounded shoulder. "I better be careful, or I'm
gonna be even longer confined to this room," he thought, making his way to the
bed to once again lie down.
"One thing's for sure. I ain't gonna sit by an' watch Hank move in on my wife,
not when I can at least do somethin' about it! But, first, I'm gonna make Hank
talk, and I ain't gonna let him sidestep this one!" He tried to force himself
to fall asleep, but it was no use. His mind was whirling with too many thoughts.
What if Michaela preferred Hank over him? What if she invited his attentions?
She had already proven her shyness towards him and her willingness to talk to
Hank more than him. What if she was falling for Hank? What would he do then?
Worse yet, what if something *did* happen between Hank and Michaela before he
arrived in town? What if they were both hiding some deep, dark secret from him,
scared of his reaction once he found out. Well, Hank would be concerned, but
Michaela would have nothing to hide, since for all intents and purposes, she
didn't know who he was, or that she was doing anything wrong. But, Hank did!
That's what made this so infuriating. Hank knew who Michaela was, knew their
purpose to help her regain her memory, and here he was entertaining her at late
hours in his room! Of all places!! Why couldn't it have been at the saloon tonight,
where they were in public, away from all chances of temptation?
Questions went round and round in his mind until he finally fell into a fitful
and restless sleep. He didn't know how long it was before his body finally succumbed
to the exhaustion of his questions, but it didn't seem long when the first rays
of sunlight penetrated through his groggy mind. "Now is as good a time as ever,"
he thought, carefully getting out of bed and making his way to Hank's room.
He knocked loudly, not sure if Hank was sleeping or not. "I don't care if he
is!" he thought to himself. "This ain't gonna wait!"
Sully nearly jumped back when the door swung open with such force, he was sure
it would be pulled off its hinges.
"Whaddya want?!" Hank bellowed.
Sully was momentarily startled by Hank's disheveled appearance and gruff manner,
but he pushed that aside and focused on his purpose for coming here. With that
in mind, he pushed past Hank, who offered no real resistance, and walked into
the room. "We gotta talk!" he began, without preamble.
Hank groaned. "Not now, Sully. I ain't in the mood!"
"Well, get in the mood, cuz I ain't lettin' this slide! It's been a long time
comin', and I want some answers!"
"About what?"
"About you and Michaela! No, about you and my wife!" He made sure to
strongly enunciate that last word, leaving no doubt as to why he was so angry.
"Yeah, what about her?" Hank asked, still trying to get a clear view of Sully.
His eyes were very bloodshot, though, and clear vision was near impossible.
He put his hands to his head again, trying to force away the pounding, but to
no avail.
"I know ya know I saw her leavin' here late last night. You sure didn't make
no effort to deny it! What I wanna know is why she was here! What was she doin'
in your room at that hour?"
"I told ya, Sully. I ain't in the mood to discuss this, now. ‘Sides, I
ain't got nothin' to say to you!"
"I wouldn't be too sure about that!" Sully returned, his voice menacingly low.
"Yeah?" Hank met the challenge. "Why do I owe ya any explanation at all? What
business is it of yours what Kay does on her own time?"
"It's Michaela, not Kay. I don't care who she thinks she is. She's still my
wife, and as such, I got every right ta care where she is at all times. An'
I gotta say, I ain't too happy ‘bout seein' her comin' outta your room
late at night, with her hair down and her clothin' bein' less than discreet!"
Sully accused.
"It ain't what ya thinkin' at all, Sully!"
"What I'm thinkin' is maybe ya like things the way they are, with Michaela not
remembering me or our family! What I'm thinkin' is it must make it pretty easy
for ya to put the moves on my wife with me laid up in bed like I been lately!
What I'm thinkin' is maybe ya got your own reasons for stickin' around here,
other than tryin' to help me with Michaela!"
That
was the last straw. It was bad enough Hank didn't get any sleep, not to mention
having emptied an entire bottle of whiskey, but to have Sully make those accusations
against him was more than he could handle. "Ya know, if ya didn't have that
bandage on your arm, I'd fight ya here an' now!" Hank barked.
"Over
what? Am I hittin' too close to the truth?"
"Ya can't be further from it!" Hank shot back.
"Well, why dontcha tell me what really happened, if I'm so wrong?"
"I would but ya ain't gonna listen to me!"
"What makes ya so sure?"
"Cuz ya got it in your mind what ya saw, and that's what ya believe! Ain't nothin'
I can say ta change that!" Hank paused then changed his approach. "‘Sides,
know what I think?" He didn't wait for Sully to respond before continuing. "I
think the only reason you're so mad is cuz she came to me last night, not you!"
That statement couldn't have hit Sully harder had Hank thrown his strongest
punch right into his midsection without warning. He gasped for breath as his
anger slowly turned into fury, but it reached a climax with Hank's next words.
"She chose me, not you, when she needed to pour out her heart, and that's what's
eatin' ya up inside!"
Sully couldn't take it anymore and lunged at Hank, but Hank was too quick and
stopped Sully before he could strike. Sully tried to lay a blow to Hank with
his right fist, but Hank held it fast and brought them standing toe to toe with
each other. The menacing look in both men's eyes was enough to show they'd just
as soon kill each other as they would work it out. "Don't!" Hank said in a low
voice. "Ya ain't in a position to go against me, with your arm bein' the way
it is."
Sully hated to admit that Hank was right, so he jerked himself away from Hank's
grasp and stalked to the door. He started to leave, but turned to deliver one
final parting word. "Stay away from her, Hank!" he demanded, walking down the
hall. He had to get out of here and clear his head. Nothing was going the way
he wanted it to go. He paused only a second when he heard Hank slam his door
shut.
* * * * *
Kay had an even harder time focusing at work this time. Her mind kept replaying
the events of last night when she had gone to Hank's room to talk. She remembered
sobbing onto his shoulder and how she felt comforted in his arms, but there
was something different this time. Sure, she was attracted to him, but she just
wasn't so sure about being safe when she was with him. Her body was constantly
alert to his actions and words, wondering if she had done something to get herself
into trouble with him. She just didn't feel the security she felt when she was
talking with Sully. Hank did help allay some of her concerns, but there was
that underlying tension that sprung up between them whenever they were together
in an intimate setting. It was a different kind of tension, not one with which
she was familiar, a tension that made her question the intelligence of being
alone with Hank.
When she left last night, it was clear Hank was a little distracted, the way
he had pushed her away from him, telling her he would get himself into trouble
if she stayed. Even though she could see he wanted to be with her, there was
something holding him back, something that kept him from giving in to his desires.
She looked for him all evening, and he didn't appear until near supper time,
but when she tried to talk to him, he was very standoffish. "Just leave me be,
Kay. I ain't in the mood to talk, tonight," was what he had told her. Not one
to intrude when a man says he didn't want to talk, she went back to her work.
Things didn't improve, though, since on more than one occasion, Jim or Belle
or another one of the barmaids had to snap her out of the momentary blackouts
she was having. They hadn't really gotten worse in intensity, but they were
getting more frequent, and it was worrying her.
"Kay!" She started out of her thoughts to see Brady standing directly in front
of her. "Can we talk?" he asked.
She nodded and allowed him to lead her back to the kitchen. She heard him sigh
when there was only a couple of people in the room. He led her to one of the
corners, then turned to face her. "What's going on, Kay?" Brady demanded.
"I don't understand."
"I mean with you and them two fellas?" Brady continued.
"What do you mean? What about them?"
"I already told ya I don't like ya spendin' so much time with ‘em, and
now I noticed the one is the only one who comes around anymore, and tonight
he ain't interested in talkin'. The other one ain't been around here in a few
days, and you ain't exactly been actin' like yourself, lately." Brady paused
and lightly touched her cheek. "I'm worried about ya, Kay."
Kay turned her face away from his touch as if it repulsed her. "I don't know
why you think you have to watch out for me, or why you have taken it upon yourself
to get so involved in my life, but I will have you know, I am perfectly capable
of handling things on my own, and I'll thank you not to interfere!" She took
a step back from him, looking him directly in the eyes. "I don't need your help,
or anyone else's, and I'd appreciate it if you would just leave me alone!" she
finished, then turned to leave the kitchen and return to work. It was a good
thing there was only an hour left until closing.
She forced herself to go through the motions of work, ignoring the glances she
saw come her way. She knew she had caused a scene back in the kitchen, but she
didn't care! When would people stop interfering in her life and telling her
what to do? When would they start to listen to what she had to say?
It was these thoughts which stayed with her even after closing. Thinking about
it, she realized Sully was the only one who hadn't really showed any sign of
interfering in her life, lately. Realizing she had missed talking to him, she
made her way to the boardinghouse, thoughts of her visit from last night very
clear in her mind. In just a couple of minutes, she found herself standing in
front of his door and without thinking, she knocked softly.
"Come in!" she heard him call. She slowly turned the doorknob and entered. He
was standing at the foot of the bed and massaging his shoulder when he turned
to see who had come into his room. Never in her life would she have expected
to be met with the expression Sully had on his face.
"What are you doin' here?" he spat, and she took a step back as if she had been
slapped.
"I'm sorry, I just thought you might like some company. I haven't seen you around
lately, and I wanted to come see how you were doing."
"What's the matter, ain't Hank good enough company for ya?" he muttered.
She almost didn't understand him, but she caught ‘Hank' and knew he knew
about her visit last night. He also seemed very reluctant to make eye contact
with her, so that left her wondering if he and Hank had said anything to each
other. She took a deep breath and expelled it slowly, the last bit of air coming
out in a tremble. This caused Sully to look at her and she was startled by the
look in his eyes.
It
was one of pain and hurt, not anger. Why would he be hurting? Could it be me
who has caused him this pain? If so, what did I do? Taking a few steps towards
him, she reached out her hand towards his. "Sully, I..." she stopped at the
change in his eyes. He forced a cold and unfeeling look into them and put up
his hand to stop her forward progress.
"Don't. I ain't in the mood for your sympathy or your explanations. I heard
enough today, and it ain't none of my business what ya do with your time off
from work. I don't need to hear any excuses, so if ya don't mind, I just wanna
be left alone!" he barked.
Feeling unbidden tears come to her eyes, she stepped backwards a couple of steps
until she came into contact with the door. Not wanting to appear weak and feeble-minded
in front of him, she forced herself to be just as cold and unfeeling. "Fine!
If that's the way you want it, have it your way! But, just so you are aware.
I didn't come here to apologize! I haven't the faintest idea why I should, anyway!"
she ended then closed the door harder than she intended. "I don't care!" she
thought to herself, allowing the tears to stream down her cheeks. "Nothing is
going right. No one cares about what I have to say, and everyone is jumping
to conclusions! What is happening around here? Why isn't anything making sense!?"
She felt the pain and anguish all the way back to the Shady Oak and up to her
room, thankful she didn't run into anyone else on her way back. Closing her
door behind her, she fell onto her bed in a sobbing heap and didn't even bother
to change her clothes before falling into an exhausted sleep.
* * * * *
A couple of days later, Kay paced back and forth in her room. She had only come
out to work, avoiding conversations with everyone and refusing to go outside
for fear of running into someone else with whom she didn't want to talk. However,
no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop thinking about Sully and about
the pain and hurt she had seen in his eyes before he changed it to the cold
and unfeeling look he had when they parted that night.
There was just something about the whole situation which bothered her, yet she
couldn't put her finger on it. Deciding to seek him out and see if the time
apart had given him time to cool off to the point of wanting to talk with her,
she left the Shady Oak for the first time in days and made her way across the
street. It didn't take her long to realize Sully wasn't in his room, especially
when he didn't answer her knock. Mrs. Hawkins told her he had gone out for a
walk and a little exercise, so compelled by somethine she still didn't quite
understand, she decided to go in search of him.
With no idea which way he might have gone, Kay set out from town. Where would
he most likely go to get some fresh air? Eyes closed, she paused for a moment
in the middle of the field, as if listening for an answer. A gentle breeze wafted
over her, and slowly an image formed in her mind. She had no idea how she knew,
but she was suddenly certain where she would find Sully. She began to make her
way along the creek and moments later, she came upon him standing at the edge,
lightly tossing stones into the water with his left arm. He seemed so peaceful,
so absorbed, she didn't want to disturb him. She turned with the intention of
returning to town, but stopped at his voice.
"What brings ya out here?" he asked, his voice sounding a little stilted.
She turned back around to face him, only he wasn't looking in her direction.
How did he know she was there? Had she made some noise of which she was unaware?
Did he turn around and see her then turn back when she did? And he must still
be upset with her, since his voice reflected it. She realized the futility of
trying to figure it out, so she just walked towards him.
"I was coming to see you," she replied, directly.
"About what?" he asked, this time turning to face her.
She was momentarily distracted from her response when her eyes met his. She
found herself getting lost in their deep blue depths and realized how content
she would be, if she didn't force herself to stay on track, to just stand there
and allow herself to be lost. However, his eyes turned to an icy blue, and the
spell was broken.
"Ya gonna tell me why ya come all the way out here?" he asked again, sounding
harsher than he intended.
She took a step back at the tone in his voice. Maybe she shouldn't have come.
It was clear he was in no mood to talk. "This was a bad idea," she thought to
herself, and turned to leave, trying hard to keep the tears in her eyes from
showing.
Sully crossed the distance between them in record time and grabbed a hold of
her arm, tenderly imploring her to turn back around. "Kay, I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to sound so harsh," he said, softly, and she turned to face him once again.
Looking into his eyes this time, she saw the same tenderness she felt in his
touch, and both nearly made her heart stop. She had to focus to breathe normally.
"Could we...that is...would you mind...if we sat down?" she forced herself to
say, despite her difficulty with forming words at the moment.
"Sure," he agreed, and led her over to a clear spot in the grass.
Kay looked around, thinking the area looked familiar, but she couldn't put her
finger on it. She shifted, slightly, and her arm brushed Sully's, making her
very aware of his presence. At that moment, she looked at the view she had and
realized why she thought she'd been here before. "This was where we had the
water fight!" she thought to herself. "This is also where Sully and I..." she
didn't allow herself to complete that thought. It would only lead to making
her more uncomfortable than she already was, sitting so close to him and thinking
about how they had last parted.
Sully, too, was having his own struggles. He was more than aware of the significance
of this location, as he had chosen it on purpose for his walk today. From her
silence, he wondered if Michaela was, too. He didn't know what to say to get
over this block in their conversation. His mind kept returning to the last time
they talked and how they had parted in anger. He desperately wanted to set things
right, but how?
He cleared his throat. "So, how've ya been?"
"Fine," she replied.
"Work goin' all right?" he asked, attempting some form of conversation.
"Yes."
They both fell silent again. This wasn't going well, at all.
"Kay." "Sully." They both spoke at the same time.
"You first," Sully invited.
"I...uh...wanted to tell you I was sorry for intruding on your walk," she lied.
What she really wanted to do was apologize for the misunderstanding that obviously
existed involving Hank, but she didn't know how to approach it. "I just hadn't
seen you around town, and I felt bad about the way we last parted, and..." she
dropped off, not finishing her thought and fearing she was rambling.
"It ain't nothin'. In fact, I wanted to apologize for the way I been actin'
lately, too. I didn't have a right to yell at ya like I did," he spoke low,
not looking at her, but focusing on the blade of grass he was twirling between
his thumb and forefinger. "An' I'm sorry if I hurt ya."
"It's all right," Kay assured him. "I know you've been hurting lately, and I
know I've only added to the problem," she whispered.
Sully looked at her at this. "Whaddya mean?"
Kay turned to look at him, finding it very difficult to keep her mind focused
on answering his question. It wasn't easy with her stomach tied in knots and
her heart beating wildly. "I know you haven't been around the saloon, lately,
and the other night when I came to see you, I saw the pain and hurt in your
eyes. Then, I had to cause the problem between you and Hank with my visit the
night before, and I'm always trying to talk to you when you obviously don't
wish to engage in conversation." Her voice was a mere whisper, full of sorrow
at the trouble she thought she'd caused. "I really didn't mean..."
He stopped her words with a finger over her lips, and he fought hard to keep
his feelings and emotions under control. It wasn't easy with Michaela sitting
so close to him, yet so far away. "It ain't you, at least not really. As for
Hank, well, I thought he understood, but after what he said that morning, I
ain't so sure." He couldn't keep the bitterness from creeping into his voice,
and he dropped his hands to his lap, turning away from her yet again.
"Sully, about that night. You need to know that Hank asked me to leave, and
I did. I can't begin to imagine why it would cause such a problem between the
two of you, but if it helps, I wasn't with Hank for very long, and I only went
to him because I didn't want to disturb you in your recovery. I had been having
some strange dreams, seeing some rather disturbing images, and I was seeking
some answers. Hank was just a logical place for me to start." That was half-true
anyway, she thought. Part of her had wanted to confide in Sully that night,
but for some reason, in the end she had chosen Hank. She paused, weighing her
words. "It's clear to me the two of you are friends, and it's obvious that I'm
the one causing the problem, so perhaps I should be the one to step back and..."
Just like before, he turned to her and placed a finger over her lips. He would
deal with her confession of dreams, later. "Like I said, it ain't you. It's
me an' my memories and frustrations causin' the problem," he confessed, and
this time, instead of anger, Kay heard the pain and anguish.
She reached out and took both of his hands in hers. "Sully, please tell me what
it is that's bothering you. Sometimes, it helps to get it out," she implored.
Sully looked in her eyes and seeing only compassion and a willingness to listen,
he turned away and sighed. "It's my wife," he began, and he felt her hands tense.
"I lost her not too long ago, and the pain of it still gets to me." She relaxed,
only slightly. "Hank knows about it, and he thought this trip would do me some
good, but it seems to only serve in bringin' back the past and remindin' me
of what I lost."
Kay waited patiently for him to continue, absentmindedly stroking the backs
of his hands with her thumbs. She felt him shudder, and attributed it to the
emotions he was fighting, not to her actions.
"I agreed to come with Hank, but seein' you only made me miss her all the more,"
he confessed, and she gasped. "I ain't sayin' you're the reason for my troubles,
but I see a lotta her in ya. She was beautiful, just like you," he finished,
his heart obviously heavy from baring his soul.
She lightly squeezed his hands, then reached one hand up to touch his cheek.
He looked up at her, the pain unmasked in his eyes. "Sully, what was your wife
like?" she softly implored. "Tell me about her...please?"